Love first
For me "love first" has been my lens for living since beginning seminary at LPTS in August of 2008 (I'm on the half-time-working-30-hours-per-week-at-a-church-45-minutes-from-campus-mom-of-teenage-twins-wife-of-awesome-pastor-husband-tent-making-worker plan, and hope to complete my MDiv before my children graduate from high school in May of 2013.) When I walked onto the campus as a 46-year-old woman who had been in either locally ordained or non-ordained ministry in another denomination (ABC-USA) for twenty years, I was ready to be stretched into the person I knew God was leading me to be. I also have 26 years (prior to the 20 years I just mentioned) of Southern Baptist stuff that I've been sifting through (much of it is good - some of it, misguided at best) and so facing things like a physiological spectrum of gender possibilities and the differences between gender identification and sexuality (just to name a few!) challenged me to my core to say the least. I chose in those first moments on campus to love first.
For me that means that every time I am faced with a situation, or person, or idea that challenges me (or my internalized, learned, value systems), I take a deep breath and choose to quietly and intentionally love the person connected with the challenge first.
This has allowed me the space and grace to be reshaped by God (not by an institution - but that's for another post!) and has allowed me to enter into and remain in conversation with people I love even when I don't understand or agree with them. It has allowed me to consider people first - to listen, to laugh and cry, to hurt, to share joy, to be frustrated - with people who, like me, are simply doing their own best to live their faith... well... faithfully. Of course I fail at this nearly every day, but I succeed more often than I fail (and that is the blessing.)
If you want to know more - ask. But that's the core.
Peace & Presence,
MB
October 12, 2010
February 13, 2010
Reclaiming Sabbath
I've been running about a thousand miles per hour in addition to thinking about a thousand thoughts per second. In 2010 I'm realizing more than ever before the necessity of sabbath. I'm not talking about the normal Protestant idea of 'Sunday' that is as driven by some work ethic that I'm not confident is of God - I'm talking about time to be. Just to be in God's presence. Recently I ran across this:
Be still and know I am God.
Be still and know I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
I've seen that before - it's been around a long time - but I'm thinking 'Sabbath' lies in the truth of this pattern.
This 'thinking about resting and being' also reminds me of Elijah (1 Kings 19)...
The Holy One was not in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire...
It was in the 'sheer silence' (as the NRSV puts it) that Elijah could clearly discern the Voice.
I do not make enough space for silence or for listening.
With technology making it possible to be connected with other human beings 24/7, an intentional space for resting from this constant state of being 'on' is necessary. Sabbath is necessary. Time to remember and to engage with family and God in a way that is different from other days is necessary.
So how does one create that space? Work (church and school for me; church and real estate for my husband; school and other activities for our children) consumes most of our time. Finding time for my 'own' sabbath rest is difficult enough - how can we find time to 'be' together?
This, I think, is the real purpose of this year of spiritual practices and reflection. To find sabbath.
Be still and know I am God.
Be still and know I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
I've seen that before - it's been around a long time - but I'm thinking 'Sabbath' lies in the truth of this pattern.
This 'thinking about resting and being' also reminds me of Elijah (1 Kings 19)...
The Holy One was not in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire...
It was in the 'sheer silence' (as the NRSV puts it) that Elijah could clearly discern the Voice.
I do not make enough space for silence or for listening.
With technology making it possible to be connected with other human beings 24/7, an intentional space for resting from this constant state of being 'on' is necessary. Sabbath is necessary. Time to remember and to engage with family and God in a way that is different from other days is necessary.
So how does one create that space? Work (church and school for me; church and real estate for my husband; school and other activities for our children) consumes most of our time. Finding time for my 'own' sabbath rest is difficult enough - how can we find time to 'be' together?
This, I think, is the real purpose of this year of spiritual practices and reflection. To find sabbath.
February 12, 2010
So many thoughts...
Recently my normal 1000 thoughts per second have been overwhelmed the realities of life.
My family is busy. Very busy. Between church and interesting career possibilities, the husband is running very hard. The daughter is swimming and studying and swimming and studying and... well, you get the picture. The son is weight training with the football team and doing his best to do better in school without trying too hard...
My family life shifts and changes with regard to schedule and content, but within its changing nature is constancy.
Seminary is complicated. When I can focus on the classwork - I love it. When I can actually engage in writing - I love it. However, it is most of all a means to a Presbyterian end. Ok... that sounded strange but it is true. I am in seminary because I have sensed a call to become a minister of word and sacrament in the PC(USA). However, I am currently doing ministry (a different kind of ministry) with a PC(USA) congregation and without the resources that come from that work, I could not attend seminary. (Have to have a job folks.) But a part of me so longs to not have the complication of scheduling 30 hours of work around school (or school around 30 hours of work) while scheduling both around family. So I'm not able to give my best to school. I hate that. But for now, it's necessary (because I can't go to school without doing the work...)
Church (work) is also complicated. Things are happening - we seem to be growing (finally) and things I've been working hard to get into place seem to be bearing fruit. Part of me really wishes school wasn't in the way of what I can do with work. However, I know I won't be satisfied with 'this' particular kind of work forever. So I have to stay in school. I do enjoy what I am doing now - and see the potential for it to evolve into more - but right now, all of the layers of my life seem to be competing.
Guessing that's normal.
Normal is overrated.
My family is busy. Very busy. Between church and interesting career possibilities, the husband is running very hard. The daughter is swimming and studying and swimming and studying and... well, you get the picture. The son is weight training with the football team and doing his best to do better in school without trying too hard...
My family life shifts and changes with regard to schedule and content, but within its changing nature is constancy.
Seminary is complicated. When I can focus on the classwork - I love it. When I can actually engage in writing - I love it. However, it is most of all a means to a Presbyterian end. Ok... that sounded strange but it is true. I am in seminary because I have sensed a call to become a minister of word and sacrament in the PC(USA). However, I am currently doing ministry (a different kind of ministry) with a PC(USA) congregation and without the resources that come from that work, I could not attend seminary. (Have to have a job folks.) But a part of me so longs to not have the complication of scheduling 30 hours of work around school (or school around 30 hours of work) while scheduling both around family. So I'm not able to give my best to school. I hate that. But for now, it's necessary (because I can't go to school without doing the work...)
Church (work) is also complicated. Things are happening - we seem to be growing (finally) and things I've been working hard to get into place seem to be bearing fruit. Part of me really wishes school wasn't in the way of what I can do with work. However, I know I won't be satisfied with 'this' particular kind of work forever. So I have to stay in school. I do enjoy what I am doing now - and see the potential for it to evolve into more - but right now, all of the layers of my life seem to be competing.
Guessing that's normal.
Normal is overrated.
January 22, 2010
January 19, 2010
Tension
There is a tension between faith and wisdom.
I'm living in the midst of that right now.
Lean too far toward faith and lose sight of wisdom.
Lean too far toward wisdom and lose sight of faith.
Interesting conundrum.
Thankful God is with me in the balancing...
I'm living in the midst of that right now.
Lean too far toward faith and lose sight of wisdom.
Lean too far toward wisdom and lose sight of faith.
Interesting conundrum.
Thankful God is with me in the balancing...
January 11, 2010
Surprises
Sometimes little things sneak into a day and surprise you with a jolt of grace that can be felt all the way through to the toes.
Today I was surprised by some connections. I was surprised that I have been heard in several places where I had thought otherwise. I was surprised by unpredictable and unlikely affirmation from some people in our congregation. I was surprised by my productivity. I was surprised by several unexpected and to some degree unimaginable things...little things.
I like surprises.
(and I'm continuing to work on praying the Examen at various times during the day - I'll post more toward the end of this week.)
Today I was surprised by some connections. I was surprised that I have been heard in several places where I had thought otherwise. I was surprised by unpredictable and unlikely affirmation from some people in our congregation. I was surprised by my productivity. I was surprised by several unexpected and to some degree unimaginable things...little things.
I like surprises.
(and I'm continuing to work on praying the Examen at various times during the day - I'll post more toward the end of this week.)
January 10, 2010
Sunday night
Had a really good day today. A lot of the things I've been working on at my church are finally coming together.
This is good.
Feeling like I can live into this week carrying the 'good' of the morning with me.
Praying that I can become more connected with a spiritual rhythm that becomes as natural as breathing.
This week... more praying the Examen and some Lectio Divina.
This is good.
Feeling like I can live into this week carrying the 'good' of the morning with me.
Praying that I can become more connected with a spiritual rhythm that becomes as natural as breathing.
This week... more praying the Examen and some Lectio Divina.
Friends
OK...just so you know...it's still the 9th somewhere so this post has to 'count' as January 9th since I haven't slept yet.
Today was a day for making new friends. I love that. I finally got to meet some people my husband has talked about at length for a couple of months. They are all he said they were.
The really wonderful thing is that I like them as much as he does.
God is good. Friendship can definitely fit into the realm of "spiritual practice"...
Today was a day for making new friends. I love that. I finally got to meet some people my husband has talked about at length for a couple of months. They are all he said they were.
The really wonderful thing is that I like them as much as he does.
God is good. Friendship can definitely fit into the realm of "spiritual practice"...
